How Many of Us Have Them?

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I’m sitting here watching one of my favorite movies, Why Did I Get Married (I watch it literally every time it comes on TV, and I have the DVD, chileeeeee)… and I’m reflecting on the friendships that are represented in the movie. Patricia, Angela, Diane, and Sheila have all been friends for a long time. They ventured into marriage and different careers and still manage to keep their friendships strong.

Then I realize that a lot of my top ten movies have a foundation of “friendship” wrapped up in the plot. For example, Sex & the City I &  II and BAPS are also movies that have a friendship based plot. Although the movies and the plot are fictional, they do represent real situations. If these women in these movies can remain friends as they grow and mature and have families, what the HELL is wrong with me? (Excuse me, Saints). 

As hard as I have attempted to hold on to them and cherish them, most of the friendships have literally slipped right through my hands. At what point do I examine myself, you ask? Well, at every point, I’ve taken a moment to see what I could have done differently. And this is my conclusion:

I give without expectations. It sounds great on the surface, but at some point in your life, you will get to the point where you CAN’T give of yourself and you NEED someone to GIVE to you. If your friends never know when to pour into you, you tend to lose out when you’re on the receiving end.

Lately, my communication is limited; horrible. Being a mother, a wife, and a career woman does not mean that I automatically don’t know how to use a phone. However, it does mean that my free time is few and far between. I know the saying: “People do what they want to do”, which is true, but sometimes I don’t have time to do the things that I WANT. I go to bed with makeup on sometimes, go months without getting my hair done, go days without doing anything for myself–not because I want to, but because my children and husband take precedence over any and everything else right now. If you have single friends or friends who don’t have children, they can misunderstand that as you ignoring them. In the past, I’ve chosen not to talk about it and address it, but just release the friendship and regret it later.

I’m an emotional wreck. I am always crying. *angry face* Friendship loss makes me sad, even when they are friendships that I’ve held on to for too long.

Either I trust you, or I don’t. There is no in-between for me.

Lastly, I have issues with unforgiveness. I can’t even believe I am saying this aloud…but I do. Don’t get me wrong, I accept apologies. However, once you cross me, I will NEVER let you back in the same way you once were. I KNOW that is wrong. I’m not one of the ones who scream “God knows my heart” or “God ain’t finished with me yet”! I know it’s a flaw and I need to seek help. I want change! I carry things in the back of my mind that tend to resurface when I get pissed off again. This is not true forgiveness. True forgiveness is being able to accept an apology and love BETTER than before without thinking about or bringing up old stuff. WHEW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got a lot of work to do.

Some of my friendship losses were actually gains, but some of them I really miss. Some of them I played a major role in losing and some of them couldn’t have left fast enough. With all that being said, I still value friendship and love. And to the ones who remain (and baby they are soooooo few), I will appreciate them forever. I am always open to a rekindled “fire” and I am always open to apologizing when I have been in the wrong. Who knows what the future holds. LOL! Look who is crying now… UGH!

So what are some of your issues ????  Or are you perfect ??



This blog is dedicated to those girls who started at VSU with me—freshman year!

I miss y’all.

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Meet Mrs. Jasmine J. White. An enthusiastic combination of quick wit and social consciousness, Mrs. White is bringing her unique perspective of being a #MotherLoverSisterFriend to IYU’s curriculum. A fiery, yet vulnerable, black woman with so much to say. Connect with her on Twitter and Instagram.

  • Pingback:The Pressures of Patterns::: – Like Sleeping on A Cloud…
    Posted at 13:46h, 11 July Reply

    […] without expecting anything in return…. sounds almost like a contradiction of my last blog, How Many of Us Have Them?, right. WRONG ! You shouldn’t expect a return but demand […]

  • TJ
    Posted at 14:53h, 02 July Reply

    Sis! Amazing read! I can sympathize with you on so many levels. I’ll give you this point of advice from my experience with unforgiveness. I’m imperfect, I’m flawed, I act without thinking, I say things sometimes that are taken out of context and I surely make mistakes day in and day out, yet I expect the people I’ve wronged to offer me grace. I’d be hypocritical of me to expect something from them that I’m not willing to offer. Since I know that during my human experience, I’ll likely find myself at the mercy of others, it’s much easier for me to offer that same mercy to others day in and day out. Just food for thought. I love you!

  • Tee
    Posted at 03:48h, 02 July Reply

    I’m with you on this. I recently (2 years ago) lost a friendship due to loyalty. I thought she had my back behind my back… but I was wrong. I had a mental funeral ⚰️ and moved on. I’m still grieving though. I miss her, I miss us. Facebook memories flood every other day 🤦🏾‍♀️. I’ve seen her maybe three times since the initial split. I forgive her and I’ve accepted that we’ll never be friends again. But deep down inside I wish she would apologize and just admit she was wrong. No it won’t ever be the same, but at least I’ll know I was worth an apology. Oh well 😔, that’s life. I have no ill will and wish her the best. Forgiveness was for me to move on in peace. My feelings let me know that my heart was in the right place after all.

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