Jan 22, 2021 Unfulfilled Expectations
We’ve all experienced the ending of a relationship. Some of those relationships ended quickly. Some of them were carried out long after their “maturity” date. Some ended relationships were weights lifted off of our shoulders, and some left us grieving. However they ended, it’s important to know that they did indeed end. What happens next? Well, anyone who is involved in more than 2 ended relationships over their lifetime, should have a moment of self-reflection, right?
Self-reflection is not to be confused with self-blame, but to just simply examine how YOUR part of the relationship was conducted.
Easily put, relationships end because what is expected going into them is not fulfilled as we maneuver through them. As adults, we have expectations in our minds that we fail to communicate and expect people to live up to them. “HOW SWAY“? Or, we communicate with people the way we were communicated with as children. Doing this, we fail to understand that people communicate differently. Learning this should evoke change, but it doesn’t. We continue this cycle throughout our lives. We have children by men who can’t communicate with us and then turn around and fail to teach communication to those same children. Issa Cycle!! The truth of the matter is, some of us are approaching our 40s and 50s and still communicate like the spoiled children we are raising. Do you feel hit, yet?
Add social media to the mix, and we express ourselves better through a “status” than we do with people we love. We change our profile pictures more than we change our perspective to understand that WE are sometimes the problem. We blame our communication problems on issues that we’ve “buried” years ago. We blame our communication issues on zodiac signs, lack a father figure, abuse, failure, anxiety, stress, depression…everything but OURSELVES. Don’t get me wrong, those issues exist. I know FIRST hand that some of them can heavily affect your communication, but we have to start holding OURSELVES accountable.
If I may be honest, of course, I can…this is MY blog, I’ve had the opportunity to reflect a FEW times over my ADULT lifetime. And I can’t say I didn’t blame myself sometimes. Hell, MOST times, I did… This particular time wasn’t different.
Joy and I (names have been changed to protect the innocent and keep people out of their feelings) had become GREAT friends in our adult lifetime. We were more like family. It was a relationship that both of us wanted. It was a relationship that both of us tried to fix, and it IS a relationship that will never be the same. The communication methods didn’t match. I gave what I could, but it just was never enough. I gave of myself so much, that I felt drained–because what I poured into her wasn’t being poured back into me.
As I continue to grow mentally, spiritually, and emotionally I realize that our expectations for each other were NEVER fulfilled. How can you fulfill something without talking about it? We only “talked” about it when it was too late. By that time, the damage was done. The damage caused pain, that left scars that not even make-up could conceal. We attempted to go through the healing process in 2018, but old wounds were opened by images of the past creeping back into our lives. It was best to let it go.
There is no love lost; just growth gained. With growth, one must realize that all relationships are NOT meant to be forever. Some people hold vital positions but only during a period in time. Joy, our period is up, but I pray all your dreams to come true as I would hope you would do for me. I see you shining….
Ladies, communication is important. If yours is broken, don’t wait until….
Expectations can and should be fulfilled with the right people if you only just TALK.
Dedicated to “Joy”. Our salt and vinegar kettle cook chip days were the highlights of my life. If you’re reading this, I love you. —JasWrites